Disasters in Being a Grandmother
by masruiiiik
Summary: Chiyo remembered when life had been simple. And then Sasori came along. And brought with him runaway toddlers and breakfast complaints among other things. But Chiyo still loved him, even if he gave her heart-attacks by wielding chainsaws at the age of 5.
1. Prologue

**YEARGH! I finally did this after wanting to do it for sooooo long (approximately a week). I don't really think I should be starting another chaptered fic, especially with Let's Fall In Love still going on and school about to start…but…I can't help it! T.T**

**Please read and review! :D  
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**Disasters in Being a Grandmother****  
><strong>PROGLUE

Lady Chiyo remembered a time when life had been simple and meticulous. Missions consisted of escorting nobles to other pleasant, friendly countries, and chasing after runaway cats. Sometimes, cleaning a flea-ridden dog broke the almost boring pattern. Days were, more or less, the same, and everything was usually ninety-nine percent predictable. And Chiyo preferred life like that. A very predictable pattern.

Of course, her life was a predictable pattern as well. She grew up in Suna, became a ninja, learned the art of puppetry (which was somewhat common in their village), completed missions, gained fame, married a nice man, bossed people around, completed more missions, became a mother, watched as her little boy grew up, watched him get married to a nice girl, and smiled (as expected) when they introduced her to her grandson. A very traditional and expected life.

Of course, the last thing threw her through a loop, because her grandson's habits were honestly, nothing like her gentle and calm son's. He, apparently, seemed to take after his mother's more bubbly personality instead. But that was fine; she could understand how life could be.

After a few very stressful days to hard labour and pushing due to the fact that her little grandson had decided to pop into the world early (his parents had been on a mission when her son's wife's water broke; needless to say, there had been a lot of flustering and panicking, mostly on her son's part). But her grandson had popped into the world, healthy, bloody, and with an extremely strong pair of lungs. Lungs that he decided to show off to their full capacity. It was also those lungs that caused even more stress with their incessant screaming and wailing.

Fortunately, as the next few months passed the screaming lessened tremendously and the baby they decided to call Sasori began to show a happier personality, complete with wide, toothless smiles. And to Chiyo, it seemed that having a baby around again could actually be fun.

The eventual expected mobility was much more interesting. Creeping and crawling and waddling were rather exciting and tiring stages, as his parents and Chiyo discovered that Sasori couldn't be accounted to stay in one place for longer than a brief moment. No matter how many small toys Chiyo carved up for Sasori, he would just chew on them briefly, before tossing them away to some corner, and creeping to another corner.

It only took a turn for the worse when Sasori learned how to walk. He (being the extremely smart little baby boy he was) learned how to open doors, and unlock hatches, and soon, the village was always on the lookout for a runaway toddler (everyone told Chiyo that her grandson would make a heck of a good ninja one day, Chiyo could only heave a sigh).

It helped when Chiyo heard stories from other grandparents. She learned that apparently, the grandparents don't have to do any dirty work, leave it to the parents! Grandparents should only sit there and laugh at their son and daughter-in-law's misfortune while spoiling the kid rotten. Chiyo had nodded, but she could tell that she couldn't just sit back and laugh, if she did that, Sasori would probably wander off all the way to Amegakure, and that just wouldn't do.

So, she sighed and resigned herself to her fate. No more early retirement for her. Yet, Sasori was just so bubbly and cute and adorable, and she couldn't help but be completely infatuated with the little redheaded toddler, so she decided that it would be fine. No matter how many times Sasori would stumble out of their humble abode, and no matter how many times Sasori would give the three of them heart-attacks and stroke by somehow getting his chubby little hands on the saw, it would be fine.

So yes, Chiyo understood how life could be.

Until the year Sasori turned five. Spring came, and along with it, a huge war had erupted, and things were already plenty hard. Trying to shield Sasori from the horrors of the real world, doing her best to support her village, and then learning that her son and daughter-in-law had died by the hands of Konoha's White Fang. It was a horrible time, with so many deaths, and the deaths of two people she loved dearly, it had been very hard to lie to Sasori about his parents' deaths, but she did so to protect him, because she loved him.

The usual predictability of life had been completely overturned, because her son and his wife should have been able to live until they were nothing more than wrinkled bags and the war could have been avoided and Sasori was supposed to continue being that happy, little boy he was. And Chiyo wasn't an emotional person by nature, but she locked herself in her room for a few days after that, only coming out to make meals for Sasori and to make sure that he was alright. It seemed, no matter how powerful Chiyo was on the battlefield, or at chasing cats, she just wasn't good at dealing with heartbreak.

Or knowing what to do with saddened five-year olds who missed his parents deeply.

Or knowing that to do with the kid at all.

_To Be Continued…_


	2. Mornings and Breakfast

Mornings and Breakfast

It was hard trying to sleep through misery and depression, and Chiyo hadn't been able to even close her eyes until the early hours of six in the morning. And, of course, she had to wake up at eight, so two hours of sleep would have to do. Mornings and waking up used to be something that she looked forward to, but now it just seemed burdensome. She wondered if she had such a terrible sleep, then how Sasori had fared. Two weeks had passed since her son and daughter-in-law had died (in Sasori's eyes; been delayed) and the gloom continued to hang over their household. They held many funerals and had a burial for all who died in the war so far, but Chiyo had refrained from showing up, deciding to keep it a secret from Sasori and had stayed home with the depressed boy all day.

It's bound to happen, Chiyo told herself repeatedly. We're ninjas, we fight, we win, and sometimes we lose. It's how life is, and things are pretty horrible right now, but they'll get better. She dressed and washed her face and brushed her teeth in the bathroom before meandering her way to Sasori's room.

She opened the door and peered inside. Sasori lay huddled under a mountain of blankets, looking insignificantly small since the bed usually housed three figures. Chiyo almost turned around, not wanting to wake the little boy up, especially while he looked so at peace (more peaceful than she had seen him in days) with his head buried deep into the pillow. But still, she walked over and pulled the blankets gently off the small form. Sasori instantly uncurled and blinked wearily up at his grandmother. 

"Good morning Sasori," Chiyo managed to chirp with false happiness. Anything to make it seem like everything was fine. "Time to get up!"

"I wanna sleep…" Sasori mumbled while rubbing at one of his dreamy eyes. "Is mommy and daddy home yet?"

"No, not yet, dear. But they'll be home soon, just give them some time," Chiyo lied through her teeth regretfully. Sasori nodded and shuffled off the bed before waddling across the room to the door. 

Sasori yawned again, but Chiyo saw him becoming more alert.

Chiyo blinked. Dear God, Sasori could be slow when he wanted to be. She sighed and leant down slightly to scoop the five-year old up in her arms before making her way to the kitchen. Too late she realized that this was probably what Sasori wanted. But then again, Chiyo could never seem to deny the little boy anything nowadays.

They passed by the living room, and Chiyo winced at how horrendous the place truly looked. It was a complete mess, it almost looked like Konoha shinobi had run in here in a riot and chucked wooden toys all over the place. She winced again when she saw a heavy looking hammer, screwdriver, and woodchipper sitting in the corner of the room. She leaned down and dropped Sasori to his feet. "Pick up your toys," Chiyo demanded.

Sasori instantly walked towards the woodchipper.

"Toys, Sasori, toys!" Chiyo screamed in near-panic. The last thing she wanted was for Sasori to lose an arm or leg or worse and get blood all over the place. Sasori gave a very mature five-year-old eye roll, but moved his attention to picking up his wooden soldiers and such. 

"Granny, when's breakfast?"

Breakfast…breakfast. Chiyo entertained the thought briefly. That had not been on her to-do list, considering the fact that she couldn't cook to save a life (her husband had done all the cooking while he was still alive), but Sasori needed to eat, and they always did say breakfast was the most important meal of the day. Did they even have food in the pantry anymore? Chiyo wondered. Could giving Sasori a piece of bread be considered feeding him breakfast?

"Are you hungry, Sasori?" Chiyo asked her grandson. Sasori looked at her with big, half-lidded (how did that work?) eyes, and gave her the saddest smile she had ever seen. She almost keeled over from the cuteness and depression overload.

Sasori nodded and played with his wooden marionette. "Yes, Granny."

"Okay, breakfast it is!" Chiyo said before walking to the kitchen. "You stay here and clean up. I'll call you when breakfast is over. And remember, do not touch those tools!"

"Yes, Granny," Sasori agreed and waved the old woman off while flashing an innocent look. Chiyo debated if she should trust that deceivingly adorable expression, before deciding to give Sasori the benefit of the doubt, and meandering into the kitchen.

Okay, okay, what can I make Sasori for breakfast? Chiyo wondered. Usually, it was his mother who cooked for them, but cooking can't be that hard, right? Chiyo nodded to herself. "Alright…let's see what we have here." She opened the pantry and found herself staring at some rice, crackers, and some grainy, porridge-like substance. There were about three eggs in the fridge and a bag of milk.

"Looks like I'll have to go shopping some time," Chiyo said to herself before bending over and retrieving the eggs, milk, and that porridge-like…thing. "I'm going to make some oatmeal!" She declared.

"What was that, Granny?" Sasori's voice called from the living room, and Chiyo unceremoniously dropped the items onto the counter before taking out a pot and a big, wooden spoon.

"It's nothing, dear! Are you done cleaning up yet?" Chiyo called.

"Almost!" And there was a brief shuffling noise, but Chiyo was too busy trying to figure out how to open an egg to really wonder about that.

What do I…? Chiyo wondered before tapping the egg roughly on the edge of the pot, remembering that was something Sasori's mother did when breaking an egg. The egg broke all right, and so did the complete shell. The broken egg shell mixed together with the raw egg, and Chiyo sighed before taking out a small metal spoon and attempting to pick out the small pieces. "Maybe I shouldn't have tapped that hard…"

The next two eggs hadn't been cracked as messily as the first, but it definitely wasn't perfect. Chiyo resigned herself to her fate of learning how to crack eggs in the near future. Next, the porridge-thing. She poured it in and watched in morbid fascination as the egg mixed together with the almost grey liquid to produce an almost brown-like, thick substance. She poured in a lot of milk to make the food less brown like and watched in satisfaction as it resembled more like oatmeal. She turned on the stove and began mixing, but she couldn't help but feel as if she's forgotten something. She shrugged it off. 

She continued mixing absent-mindedly until she was snapped out of her daydream by a horrid smell. She glanced around in surprise before realizing the smell (which faintly resembled burning plastic and a decaying dog) was coming from the 'oatmeal'.

She swore loudly just as Sasori, with imbecile timing, walked into the kitchen. He stared at his grandmother in pure shock before wrinkling his nose at the smell.

"What are you making, Granny?" He asked innocently, and Chiyo couldn't help but feel as though her adorable little grandson was mocking and laughing internally at her failed attempt to cook.

"Oatmeal," Chiyo sighed and closed the lid to the pot to cover up the smell slightly. Sasori nodded and Chiyo just ran a hand wearily down her face. At least there would be breakfast.

Except a few minutes later, the breakfast resembled more like one of the poisons Chiyo used instead of what it was supposed to resemble. She swore again (in such a way that it would make normal, old people faint) but silently this time, and mixed the oatmeal rapidly. There, now it looks more…oatmeal-ish, all mashed-up and such. And at least the smell isn't that horrible anymore. "Breakfast!" She called to Sasori.

Sasori frowned when Chiyo set the pot in front of him. "You burned it. And it smells bad."

Chiyo sighed and sat wearily across from the redhead. "No, it's fine. It's supposed to look like that. And I'm sure it tastes fine," she spared a glance at the bubbling, brown substance, and hesitated. "…Probably."

Sasori poked his spoon into it and took a hesitant taste. "You burned it. And it's not done in some parts."

"I'm sure it tastes fine." Chiyo said with a wave of her arm. Sasori frowned and poked at his breakfast again.

"It's burned in some parts and not cooked in other parts." Her grandson complained. Chiyo rolled her eyes.

"Just eat it, Sasori!" 

"And there's no taste. I think you forgot to add sugar." Sasori mentioned, and Chiyo restrained the need to facepalm. _That_ was what she had forgotten!

"I'll put sugar in next time."

"I don't like this."

"Just eat it!"

Sasori gave another five-year-old eye roll again, but he complied and stuffed a spoonful in his mouth before a disgusted look crossed his features. Chiyo blatantly ignored his face while he began to convulse as if he was vomiting in his mouth.

She was definitely going to have to learn how to cook if she wanted to keep her grandson alive and healthy for a long time. Death by oatmeal. What a horrible way to go. But at least Sasori was eating something; Chiyo nodded in satisfaction and looked out the doorway of their kitchen to the living room to see what else had to be done. 

Sasori's toys had been merely pushed into a pile and was partially hidden under their worn couch.

Chiyo rolled her eyes with an amused smile.

"Can I get a glass…no, a jug of water, please?" Sasori piped up.

_To Be Continued…___

**Thank you everyone for your kind reviews! You guys are amazing! :D**

**And sorry to anyone who has PM-ed me and I **_**still**_** haven't replied back…I'm just soooo busy! And special thanks to , OnceUponATeardrop, and infinite vertigo (still loving the penname!). You guys are awesome…and I'm sorry I never replied to you guys. I fail. T-T**

**-Harmony**

**PS. Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed by the schoolwork? Cuz I know I am… :[ And I **_**swear**_** I'll update 'Let's Fall in Love' as soon as I can (in roughly…Christmas Break…Eep! That was a joke!). Thanks for your support guys! *throws infinite amount of gift baskets to all***


	3. Grocery Shopping

Grocery-Shopping

"Remember Sasori; keep close to me, because if you run off again like last time…well, I won't be very happy." Chiyo said sternly, holding onto the five-year old Sasori's hand tightly in her grasp, shivering slightly as she recalled the time her grandson thought it'd be a jolly good idea to pick the lock in the house, leave the village, and go halfway to Konohagakure before sitting down on a random rock in the middle of nowhere to wait for someone to find him.

His only reply when Chiyo and a few other Sand-nins found him was: "I got lost on the way to the bathroom, granny."

What a smart-ass kid.

"Yes, granny," the five-year old was saying now, once again rolling his eyes in the most mature fashion possible.

"Don't you dare roll your eyes at me, Sasori!"

"Yes, granny." He rolled his eyes again, and Chiyo resisted the need to facepalm herself into oblivion.

The rest of the journey to the grocery store was relatively silent, save for the impatient huffs escaping Sasori every now and then. Once they arrived, Chiyo let go of Sasori's hand to go push a cart, and the old woman shot her adorable little grandson a look.

"Yes, granny," Sasori said again, his eyes rolling once again out of pure reflex.

"You keep doing that, and your eyes will get stuck at the top of your head," Chiyo chimed lightly, pushing the rickety cart through the store. Sasori followed obediently.

"Granny, I'm not a little kid anymore," Sasori replied, and Chiyo shot him an amused look. "I know that's not true."

"Just don't roll your eyes Sasori; I didn't start until I was thirteen."

Sasori hummed and watched as Chiyo contemplated between wheat bread and white bread. "What's the difference between wheat bread and white bread…? They're both bread, aren't they Sasori?" Chiyo asked.

Sasori, yet again, rolled his eyes.

"You're silly, granny. Obviously white bread is healthier than wheat bread. Because white bread is white, and anything that's white is pure, and anything that's pure means it's healthy." Sasori stated.

Chiyo blinked. "But wheat bread is wheat, and wheat is healthy…isn't it?" She just wasn't good at this kind of thing! She wasn't meant to be a housewife; she was a ninja for crying out loud. Bread wasn't exactly her expertise.

"White bread is healthier." Sasori's eyebrows furrowed, and he continued, "I want white bread."

Chiyo, once again, could not deny Sasori anything, and quickly nodded before chucking the loaf of bread into their shopping cart. "Come along, Sasori."

Sasori trailed after his grandmother, half-smiling-half-smirking in triumph.

They continued shopping, Chiyo stopping everytime to hear Sasori's opinion and then doing what he said. What can she say? Sasori was just too cute to deny anything!

Finally, as they were passing the sweets section, Sasori's big-lidded eyes caught sight of a package of cookies, and he abruptly stopped before grabbing onto his grandmother's sleeve before giving a persistent tug. Chiyo stopped and turned around.

"What is it, Sasori?"

"Granny, I want some cookies."

Chiyo frowned. Cookies were fattening and weren't exactly healthy, and she wanted Sasori to grow up to be big and strong, not lazy, fat and obese. While she wouldn't deny him anything else, this was probably the only place she'd say 'no' to.

"No Sasori, we're not going to get cookies."

Sasori froze for a nanosecond before his small, chubby face morphed into a sad, puppy-dog face. "Please, Granny?"

Chiyo almost keeled over (again) but she looked over Sasori's head to avoid the absolutely adorable face. She will resist!

"No, Sasori. Now come along."

She turned around and began pushing the cart towards the cash registers. Sasori frowned and gave the packet of cookies a sad look before his face hardened slightly, and with newfound resolve, he walked away from Chiyo and out the store without the old woman noticing.

It wasn't until the pretty girl behind the cash register asked that Chiyo even noticed anything was amiss.

"Chiyo-sama? Where's little Sasori?"

Chiyo gave a start and looked around frantically before her heart stopped when she failed to see a little redheaded figure. She began cursing under her breath, and leaving the cashier, she ran around the store, calling Sasori's name.

After her third run around the store, the store manager popped her head out of the store and shot the frantic woman a concerned look. "Chiyo-sama? What's wrong?"

"Ahh! Mikuro-san!" Chiyo cried in relief at the other woman's countenance. "I…I can't find Sasori anywhere! Have…have you seen him?"

"Sasori?" Mikuro blinked before shaking her head. "I haven't, but I can go check the security cameras for you if you want."

"Oh, thank you, thank you…" Chiyo muttered before following the manager through a door labelled 'Employees Only'. While Mikuro typed slowly on the computers to get to the security tape files, Chiyo continues ranting and raving.

"—this always happens! He always runs off even when I specifically tell him not to, it's like he wants to give me a heart attack or something! I swear, when he comes back, I'm going to strangle him! Just because I won't buy a packet of fuckin—"

"Here it is, Chiyo-sama!" Mikuro interrupted the older woman hastily, moving aside so that she could see the screen. The two watched blankly as the tape showed Sasori leaving the store in an indignant fit of rage.

"Um…we found him…?" Mikuro offered sheepishly, and watched in slight fear as Chiyo jumped out of the room, swearing to the high heavens.

"—stupid boy! He's trying to fucking kill me, that—"

Mikuro abruptly shut the door, muffling the sounds of the cursing.

Xx

Chiyo had begun running north, headed to Konoha before making a U-turn and running south instead. Sasori had gone to Konoha last time, meaning that this time; he'd probably be going to Amegakure instead.

And she was right. The old puppet-master considered herself somewhat lucky to have noticed Sasori's absence so soon in the game, meaning that he couldn't have gone that far. The only reason Sasori made it halfway to Konoha the last time was because Chiyo didn't notice that her grandson was missing until six hours later.

She caught up to the redhead about thirty minutes later, one-eighth of the way to Ame and she abruptly began breathing fire.

"Sasori! What the h—I mean, what were you thinking?" She was roaring and Sasori blinked innocently up at her. "Are you trying to give me stroke? Honestly! I specifically told you to stay by my side, and what do you do? You go out…just to spite me!" She paused for breath before leaning down and scooping her grandson in a bear-hug. She had always been slightly bi-polar.

"Thank god you're okay! Don't ever do this ever again! What if bandits had got you? Or other evil people with other…evil intentions? Do you know how upset I'd be if anything ever happened to you? Don't ever do it again!"

Sasori blinked once more before offering his grandmother a smile.

"Granny, I want cookies."

Chiyo looked at Sasori vapidly, before giving an exasperated sigh and putting him down.

"Fine…but I'm only going to buy oatmeal cookies."

Sasori began to continue down the dirt road in the direction of Amegakure.

"Argh! Fine! I'll buy some chocolate chip cookies! Are you happy now?"

Sasori turned around once more and began walking to Suna, a smile on his face.

"Yes, Granny."

Chiyo sighed and took Sasori's hand, pulling him along as they continued walking down the dirt path, the bright sunlight flitting through the canopy of trees to grave the top of their heads.

"Little conniving son of a—"

Sasori plucked his ears and began humming loudly.

_To __Be __Continued__…_

**Thank ****you ****everyone ****for ****the ****amazing ****reviews! ****You ****guys ****honestly ****made ****my ****day! ****This ****idea ****had ****been ****bugging ****me ****for ****a ****while ****now, ****so ****I ****just ****had ****to ****write ****it ****down. ****:D ****I ****mean, ****doesn****'****t ****the ****idea****of****Sasori ****running ****away ****just ****because ****of ****a ****packet ****o f****cookies ****fill ****you ****with ****glee? ****X3**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this, and I'll try to update soon!**

**Review? X3**

**Hugs,**

**Harmony**


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